LIFE FEELS SO EXTRAORDINARY SIMPLE SOME TIMES, AND AT OTHERS . . . AND AT OTHERS WILL BE MY NEXT POST


For the first time since I quit teaching I’ve been feeling retired, and it’s a wonderful feeling. What do I mean by it? A dream defined it for me last night. I am sitting outside a house with a water bottle and a book, and it’s time to go take an exam. The people in the house are concerned – it is a difficult exam and you haven’t studied for it! I smile and say to them, I don’t care. I have such a good life! In my mind I know I’m going to flunk it and that is perfectly okay with me!

I used to worry a bit about how to spend time when I have day in and day out to myself, without a project (but I always have one) that I am obsessing about and all entangled with. I simple adore this sprawl of objectless time, and I move from thing to thing in an easy and unstressed way, figuring out small steps to take – now I’m going to sit down at the desk and journal; there is always the book I am reading, THE HISTORY AND POWER OF WRITING; I will cook something, or eat something. Life feels so extraordinarily simple.

Want to record an evening P and I had a week ago after we had both been indoors the whole day. We though we’d walk into town on the cliffs, sit at Sea Grove for a bit, get the mail, and walk back. I hadn’t bathed or even brushed my teeth, so I did these, and wore my new magenta jeans I had bought at Macy’s because they fit me so well (by which I mean comfortable), was delighted to see it matched my magenta down jacket, put on some lipstick, eye liner, earrings, and off we went. On the way back my appetite surged and I said, let’s stop somewhere and eat. He didn’t want to, and certainly didn’t want to eat meat, which I craved, so we passed many restaurants and I was getting more and more annoyed with him till we talked into Zel’s. It was still happy hour, so we sat outside by the fire and ordered pork sliders, a hamburger and a glass of stout. The sky was a deep, glowing indigo Safire still edged at the horizon with a faint yellow and drinking our stout and splitting the hamburger I had the time of my life. How simple, how marvelously delightful!

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