WHEN TO AND WHEN NOT TO EXPRESS NEGATIVITY


The chaos is beginning to curdle into order again, owing, I think, to my allowing myself to rest. Allowing, even when the mind started to call me names like ‘vegetable,’ and ‘lazy.’ Gently told my mind to make room for my body and to let it be. Rested all day yesterday, combining rest with being with mom. Lay on dad’s side of the bed and dozed/rested as she talked. Every once in a while she would say, are you sleeping? Are you listening? And I would repeat her last line and she would carry on telling me stories she has told me many, many, many times before. She needs to talk, to know someone is listening and I need to be silent and listen, so it works well. In the afternoon she was being negative and I found myself getting irritated but then realized that she needs to be negative, that it is healthy for her to expel the noxious fumes inside her, that she was tired from not being able to nap in the afternoon, and after some time she settled down. I want to write about NEGATIVITY because expressing it and being okay with it is new to me. 
But I have laid down limits to my interaction with her. Yesterday when she started on the whole Blank Blank subject, I just looked her in the eye and said I don’t want to get into this, okay? I didn’t explain why – I have done so thousands of times before, and explanations do nothing for her; I didn’t get into it, and said very calmly and forcefully, I don’t want to go there. She got it, and just laid off the topic and then even said, I don’t want to go there, either.

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